How to Ace the Ultimate Test

I hesitate to submit this post because of my irrational fear that if one solves the mystery of the Game of Life, then the game will be over---and I’m just not quite ready to “cash in my chips” as they say. However, being true to my commitment to convey what I am currently contemplating, I have little choice.

Besides, I suspect that my ramblings are no more certain than saying that the Hokey Pokey is really what it is all about. However, my theory does bear some consideration. So, on the slim chance that anyone reading this happens to share my fear, feel free to read no further. There. Disclaimer stated.

The burning question is: How can I ace the ultimate test of life? Answer: By realizing that there is no ultimate test!

Impossible, you say. Life is just one big cosmic test, and every day we must strive to get it right.  And then you die, and Peter waits at the pearly gates for the final test. There must be a test!

Oh, trust me, I am well-acquainted with the notion of life as a test. I have spent my conscious life seeking ways to “ace” it. This is also known as perfectionism. One of my earliest childhood memories involves me trying to ride a tricycle up the front sidewalk. The smooth sidewalk curved slightly and I couldn’t quite negotiate the angle. I rode into the grass and fell over. I thought to myself, “Well that was stupid. Don’t make that mistake again!” Don’t judge. And please don’t psychoanalyze me. Just know that my basic orientation to life has always been that of a big test.

As a young adult, I subscribed for years to a periodical called Bottom Line: Personal. Its subtitle was “How to Do Everything Right.” What a claim! And what an expectation of mine to think it was even possible. That notion of perfectionism remained my M.O.--my modus operandi. I continued to try to do everything right and make everyone happy.

So why this nagging belief that life might not, in fact, be a big ole cosmic test? I was reminded recently of a conversation that had caused a crack in my cosmic test notion a while back. God wanted to remind me of this crack, so He brought it up again. On both occasions, I was told of an experience where an intense spiritual encounter resulted in waves of uncontrollable laughter. Laughter! It is such an unlikely and unexpected response to a spiritual encounter, that it rings true. I believe God wanted to remind me of His magnificent, magnanimous, affirming and non-judgmental nature.

And I think, why would an intimate encounter with the divine produce spontaneous laughter—unless it turns out that life is not an ultimate test and I have been fretting and worrying for nothing? What if life is more gift than test? What if, instead of an ultimate test, we fall with absolute giddiness into the open, welcoming embrace of love?

I invite you to march forth with me into the bliss of this new M.O.